It is easier for you to help your child solve conflicts at home that it is when your child is at school.  At home, you can ‘coach’ your child to successfully resolve conflicts.

     When our kids are toddlers, we teach them to be polite and say sorry.  As they get older, we should teach them to ‘show’ that they are sorry.

     You can help your child solve problems by incorporating these steps:

1.       Focus on the 1^st person perspective.  Kids tend to blame others when there is conflict.  When someone is blamed, they get defensive and angry, which perpetuates the conflict even further.  Have your child only explain the situation using the word ‘I”.  For example, instead of, “He took my toy away,” have your child say, “I am upset because I don’t have my toy anymore”.  This will keep the conflict from becoming personal, hence more objective for all.

2.      Keep open ears.  Make sure that your child listens to the other person.  You can teach your child to wait for the other person to stop speaking.  Or, you can make rules such as each person gets to say one thing at a time then the next person gets to speak.  It’s important for your child to learn to listen in order to better grasp the reason and think about a possible solution to the conflict.

3.      Be a parrot.  Have your child repeat what the other person said.  For example, your child had his toy taken from another child.  He could say, “I understand that you wanted my toy but I was hurt that I wasn’t asked first,” This helps the situation in two ways.  First, it gives your child some empathy skills, and second, it makes the other child feel better knowing that his or her feelings were acknowledged (as well, your child’s feelings should be acknowledged by the other child).

5.      Agree to finalize.  Finally, have both parties agree on a   solution.  For example, “Okay, next time, you ask for the toy and I will share it with you.  For now, I’m playing with it and you can have it when I’m done.”